19, thats how old I wanted to be when I was married - 22, thats how old I wanted to be when I had my first child. Well that didn't go as planned...
Frst of all...thank the Lord I didn't marry at 19!! There was so much I hadn't learned yet, and most importantly, I hadn't even met the man I was meant to marry yet! But what is my reason now? Nearly 25 years old and I still have neither, no man that has vowed to spend his life with me and no children to show my undying love to.
We talked in our ladies group a few weeks back about enjoying the season we are in, and not wishing to move forward until it happens. I knew this was something I'm not good at, but these last few weeks have been especially hard. It seems like 8-9 months ago a majority of my friends began their lives as I dreamed mine would be. And now, as nature will have it, they are all giving birth to wonderful precious little ones. Everywhere I look are weddings and children, new young families, full of love and happiness.
This is more a pitty party more than anything, I just want that feeling, that feeling that I've only dreamed about. Don't get me wrong, I live in a fairytale every day, I have the most amazing man by my side that I know is just waiting until all of his ducks are in a row. He's everything God wanted for me, he has a strong heart and a sharp mind, I know he will take care of me and do what's right when our Lord says its right. I've honesly never felt the constant joy that before that I feel anytime he's around or even just on my mind, and maybe that's just it. Maybe our God is wanting me to take time and just enjoy this level of happiness that I have never enjoyed before, before moving on to the next season.
Until then, I pray for contentment in this season, contentment with the happiness I feel now, knowing that the happiness in the future will be even better than I can imagine, and its something God is holding out for until just the right time.
