Last fall the man in my life moved to a new town and suggest we start going to this church a friend of his had started up. I thought, "Sure, I can do church every now and then, its just one Sunday a month or so that I'll have to get up early and sit through an hour or two of lecture and then we can spoil ourselves over lunch." We went once and I loved the music, we went a second time and I loved the atmosphere. We skipped Sundays here and there as expected, afterall...it was the weekend, those are meant for sleeping in. Suddenly I found myself getting up at 9:30 every Sunday morning in order to not disappoint him, he was really into this church thing and I didn't want to let him down.
Let me stop here and say, I didn't grow up in the church. I'm not saying I didn't grow up in a religious family, my dad grew up in the church and my mom experienced every religion under the sun as an Army Brat. We went to church when it counted, Easter and Christmas Eve, but as a child, life was always just too busy to make our way there every Sunday morning. I know little to nothing about the Bible, even the seemingly most common stories leave me bewildered and full of questions.
But suddenly, I found my self enjoying the messages. Ryan ("Abs" as Jeff calls him) knwe how to explain the word in ways that meant something to me, he made the message relevant to real life. Time went on, the holidays came and we missed 3-4 weeks in a row, it felt odd. I wanted to hear more, I wanted to know what Abs would have to say this Sunday while we were out with family. Once the holidays were over we started going full force. Jeff took me to buy my first Bible and even had it engraved with my name on the cover.
Then a delimna arose, Jeff was going out of town and wouldn't be able to make it to church one Sunday. I was torn, I don't go anywhere alone, especially places full of people I don't know, but I just really didn't want to miss out on the message that week. So I gave myself a challenge...not only did I dare myself to go to church that Sunday alone, but I also dared myself to show up to the women's bible study they were starting that Monday night. Yes, I was going to be 100% out of my comfort zone, and yes I might break down right in front of everyone while having a panic attack, but this was something I felt compelled to do.
Well, I made it to church that Sunday and I also made it to the first women's bible study. I had met Ryan's wife, Amanda, and she held me accountable (whether she knew it or not) by sending me reassuring text messages to say that she would be excited to see me that night, or next Sunday morning. After the first bible study I went home and told Jeff all about it. I absolutely loved it. I never imagined myself having the conversations I had with Jeff that night, but I had so much to say followed by so many questions I needed answered.
Now let's skip to this week. Our bible study has been surrounding the idea of becoming a Godly Woman, and this week we discussed self image and becoming our true self. This is something that is hard for most women... How can I be my true self when I don't even know who my true self is? One woman in our group, Kim, chose to make a list all the women in our group followed by two qualities each woman possessed. I was suprised when she got to me, I was expecting the typical, "She's really sweet and thoughful," afterall, we just met a few weeks ago. Instead, her words were, "Tosha is very honest, and I feel like she has a peaceful heart." A peaceful heart...now that's something I had never heard before, what exactly does that mean? I googled the phrase and found this verse: "A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones." - Proverbs 14:30 This was a huge compliment to me, this is the way I try to live my life, though as unsuccessful as I feel, someone recognized it!
18 months ago when Jeff and I began dating, I wondered where it would go, I tried picturing my future with him, but never could I imagine the road he would bring me down, the road he would walk with me side by side. I don't want to give him all the credit, it was God's will afterall. God placed him in my life to bring me to Him, God knew that any other time in my past, I wouldn't have listened, but now, with an open heart and a mature soul, He knew He could put someone into my life that would mean so much to me that I would follow him wherever he lead me, even into church.
Thus starts my path - my path towards a kind heart, my path towards a spiritual heart, and my path towards a peaceful heart.
